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There are plenty of quick "need to do" things, Zoom meeting notes, and project reminders. But there’s also grocery lists for curbside pickup, new passwords for new accounts I had to create for SO. MUCH. ONLINE. SHOPPING., the notes about what’s wrong with my eye "red, sore at the temple", what’s wrong with my tooth "hurts, size of a golf ball", what’s wrong with my hip "started suddenly, no injury I remember" — all to explain to various doctors and dentists, some for whom it took many phone calls and friend and family recommendations to make appointments to see during a pandemic. It was much harder to see a dentist than a doctor in those early days. A dental patient is the worst patient of all. Your mouth is open and everything sprays. COVID loves that.

There are other notes.

• "Take vacation." What a joke. I forfeited a week and I’m on track to lose much more this year.
• "Set up family zoom session." Missing my family.
• "Gueben. Cole slaw. Chips." First curbside takeout order.
• "Gained 7 pounds. Still able to walk. Feeling overwhelmed and depressed." Virtual doctor visit.
• "Great answer." During a now colleague’s Zoom job interview.
• "OMG. She got furloughed. Are we next" The woman in question probably never coming back.
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• "I don’t have enough help."
• "Can I floss right away?" Follow up to temporary filling before complete root canal replacement.
• "Holy shit. Love him." A new staffer with a refreshing attitude.
• "Call UGI. A/C broken."
• "Dominick the Donkey." Answer to a Fibbage question on family game day.
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• "Outpatient rehab services. Hip.
• "Stay in vehicle. A nurse will come get you and take temperature." Dentist.
• "Send in request to work from home indefinitely."
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• "COVID student isolates. Roommates would quarantine."
• "Ring light. Bidet. Floor lamp. Office chair. New rug.

The list goes on and on, and so does the pandemic. I start a new notebook tomorrow.

So I’m driving home from my BIL’s house on a highway near me and got behind a truck hauling some earth moving machinery and that always makes me nervous because you should never trust anyone to secure their loads well enough and I didn’t want to be behind him if that thing slipped off its bed and landed in my face so I got in the passing lane to scoot around him and sped up enough to get back in the right lane ahead of my exit home except I didn’t go fast enough and couldn’t find a space to move over so I missed my exit and that’s when I decided to just keep driving to the next exit where I could get off and stop at a Shammy Shine to get my car washed and so when I got there, I paid at the drive-up kiosk and got in line for the wash and was so proud of myself that I followed the directions of the guy at the start of the wash queue well enough to get my wheels aligned on the track thingy and you should consider yourself skilled if you can do that in one shot, but while I was patting myself on the back for getting my wheels in place and I was all set to put my window up so I don’t get wet and prepared my iPhone to film going through the car wash because that’s so fun, that’s when I made the mistake of putting the car in park instead of neutral and the guy screamed at me “Neutral! Put it in neutral” and I thought “OK, mister. I have all this stuff to do making sure I don’t get wet and all, and now you’re yelling at me to put the car in neutral and I meant to do that, swear to God, but I forgot and geez, man, who the hell ever puts their car in neutral gear for anything except car washes and give me a second here and cut me some slack, jack!

Here, have a soothing video of my car wash. It was hell getting it.

One of the problems with buying an ice cream cone in the middle of a hazy, hot, and humid summer is melt speed.

Get a large cone and you’re forced to inhale it to minimize the inevitable dribble-down-the-hand mess, but you risk brain freeze eating too fast.

Plus, when you suck down ice cream the ability to savor the flavor is diminished by 79.4% according to a study in the Journal of I Made That Shit Up.

Sure, you could order your soft serve in a cup, but what fun is that? It’s not. You twist-cone your soft serve. You cup-pack your hard scoop. It’s the law.

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This is what you do:

Your husband drives you to 无忧加速器怎么样 and you order a regular-sized cone and tear in. Mere blocks away, he notices that you’re almost down to the cone already and there’s another Rita’s nearby.

He says “Kath. You’re making good progress on that. Do you want another?”

“Yes. Yes, I do. Next Rita’s, please.”

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You pull into Rita’s #2, get out, order a second regular twist on a waffle cone, pay, and dig in again.

A mile out, you begin to realize the error of your ways.

1. Regular + half a regular = uncomfortably full.

2. You don’t want to finish 无忧加速器怎么样 because you’re not a garbage disposal and your waistline wants no part of those unwanted calories. Your driver rejects them, too.

So now what?

This is what you do:

You ask your husband to pull over at the next out-of-the-way place so that you can dispose of .5 of a regular ice cream cone.

“Where?” he asks.

“Over there. The cemetery.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

You pull aside and scooch up close to the grass. You lower the window. You stick your arm out and with one flick of a wrist the cone contents come flying out  – TTHHWWIIIIPPP! – and into the grass, where ants within a ten foot radius can’t believe their good fortune that the sky delivered them ice cream like a screaming meteor and plopped it at their feet.

Ahhhhh! Much better.

You’re now left with just the cone, coated in a bit of residual ice cream, in all its crunchy goodness, with only enough calories you consider reasonable to eat.

Yes, I will still order soft-serve in scorching heat. No, I will not get it in a cup. Yes, I know that’s easier, but it’s just not the same. Summers are for twisties and sprinkles and improving melt management skills. This 50-something kid still has a lot to learn.

So today I poked myself in the eye with the corner of some tri-folded paper towels that I reached up to grab off a shelf when I needed to wipe my mouth after brushing my teeth over the trash can in my office because I was too lazy to walk to the ladies room and do it there. It freaking hurt and then I had to go to a meeting and explain why I appeared to have been crying, but only out of my left eye. At least I smelled minty fresh.

Why didn’t I want to walk to the ladies room?

Because it’s like a quarter mile from my new office. I had easier access to the restrooms at my old office, which is being turned into study space for students in the library where I work.

The good thing is that I earn extra steps when I use the new rest room, but it’s totally inconvenient when I have somewhere to be in a hurry, like today.

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I just found out yesterday that I can walk through the fire door next to my office that leads to a stairwell that leads to another rest room just above my office.

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I even watched the building manager walk through the door today and it did not sound.

BUT!

I’m still scared to walk through it because it would just be my luck that one day the locksmith office will discover the doors are not alarmed and will alarm them for safety and I will walk through it and people will ask “Kathy, did you not see the sign that says you cannot walk through the door because the alarm will sound? How stupid are you? Can you not read?”

BUT!

One time I used my master keys in a building I used to work in to let myself into an office that I didn’t know was alarmed.

It sounded.

And it sounded 无忧加速器 throughout the whole building and I had to wait in a state of terrible embarrassment until the campus police came and turned it off.

I’m not taking any chances.

The nearby bathrooms will have to remain a off limits to me.

I haven’t blogged in a long time, but in case you were wondering …. yes, it’s still exhausting being me.

The End.